


Talking To Silence

by ForbiddenToast



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Death, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 09:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3564497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForbiddenToast/pseuds/ForbiddenToast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years is a long period of time for anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking To Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I shouldn't be allowed to write anything after twelve o'clock at night. I'm sorry in advance.

Two years, is a long period of time for anything and as Pete worked in the office silently he wished those two years never existed; Not the family phone calls or the explaining having to be done to their eight year old daughter Maria. It was all wrong, all of it. It wasn't meant to be like this.

Pete never imagined it would be like this, but the sick twisted reality had set in over the two years and the reminder was the gold ring on his finger which he protected with his life, and there was an old one for Maria when she grew up but he never looked at it. Too many destroyed plans lay with that ring in the basement, along with all the musical equipment.

"Daddy, daddy look!" He heard his little angel shout as she ran down the hallway towards the office, socks sliding on the floor and pigtails swaying in the hurry.

"What is it sweetheart?" Pete quizzed as he helped the youngster climb onto his lap while she held on to the pink paper in her hands dearly.

"I drew another picture." She said proudly, holding the paper out to her father excitedly and wondering what he thought of it.

"It's beautiful." Pete said as he examined the messy drawing on the paper fondly, there were three stick people on it and a stick dog beside a tree all smiling happily, with a rainbow in the background. One of the stick people appeared to be wearing a top hat which Pete smiled sadly at and the other had dark rings around their eyes. No doubt there was inspiration from the old Fall Out Boy picture in the living room which had Pete and Patrick grinning happily since they'd found a silly hat back backstage in 2005.

"It's us, Hemmy and daddy." Maria clarified, while pointing at each stick person as she called out the names, her finger pointing at the top hat person last.

"I see," Pete smiled, while hugging her tighter, "You going to be an artist then?"

Shaking her pigtails, which hit against Pete's chest Maria replied with "I'm gonna be a singer, like daddy was.”

Pete's smile faltered, but only for a second, he couldn't let his little ray of sunshine see how much he was still hurting. She still didn't even fully understand what had happened since she was only six when  _it_  happened which was so unfair on all three of them.

Kissing her on the cheek Pete helped her down while saying "I have no doubt you'll be as good as him."

Going back to his work Pete heard Maria just about to leave until she spoke up as she reached the door.

"Is daddy still with the angels?" She asked turning to see Pete give another bittersweet smile.

"Yes honey he is."

"Will we ever see him again?"

Trying to stay strong Pete smiled softly at Maria who was still so naïve about what happened after her daddy got badly ill, yes she understood that Patrick was gone but she didn't understand  _how_  and _why_  people were always asking her about how she was doing.

"Of course, just it'll take some time"

Standing up from his seat Pete strode over to the smiling Maria and grabbed her hand softly, "Anyway, I bet you've got more drawings in the living room to show me, Uncle Joe and Andy when they come over later right?"

Nodding furiously she grabbed her daddy's hand and trailed him down the hallway while telling him about all the amazing artwork she'd done and Pete's work was left forgotten about.

***

"You were always high maintenance." Pete joked as he continued to swap the flowers surrounding his husband, it was a cold winter's day and he felt the cold seeping through his jacket and scarf as well as the heavy atmosphere.

The place was silent but then, Pete was the only living person present in the depressing place but every now and again. Pete would visit just so he could feel close to Patrick again, not in the way he sorely missed like cuddling on the couch or holding his hand as they walked down the street, not even the way he used to tickle him until he sung something but in a way in which he hoped _his_ _'Trick_ was listening and wasn't feeling guilty about leaving, because he had no choice.

It was just his health being a bitch to him.

If anything, Pete often in the middle of the night, in his lonely bed blamed himself for what happened to him, if he'd just convinced Patrick to go to the doctor's sooner about that lump on his head then maybe the treatment would've worked, maybe it wouldn't have come back after a year of pure bliss in the clear. Perhaps 'Trick would've still been there to see his Maria grow up, go on her first date or fret when she bought her first car.

But nothing now was going to change the fact Patrick,  _his_ Patrick was six feet underneath him, probably ten times paler than he usually was and cold and Pete couldn't go to cuddle him to warm him up anymore.

"Maria's been asking about you," Pete muttered more to himself, "She drew us from 2005, and wants to be a singer like you now...She misses you 'Trick, we both do."

That was one of the rare times Pete let himself go, and a single tear travelled down his cheek. At home he had to be strong for their little girl but just like when Patrick was alive, Pete knew he could always just tell Patrick what was on his mind.

Smiling in spite of himself he glanced up at the headstone and felt ten times worse when the name  _'Patrick Wentz'_ stood out. He remembered clearly when Patrick changed his name to that, before Maria, before the tumour, before their goodbye in the hospital.

They'd both said “Till death do us part”, they just didn't know they'd be parting a lot sooner than anyone wished.

"She looks just like you," He said, "Red hair 'n everything, and she found a baseball cap the other day and refused to take it off until I had to wrestle her to wash it."

Another tear fell when he wrapped his arms around his middle to support himself, taking in a shaky breath he tried to smile for his husband's sake, he never did like to see Pete nor his daughter sad and that was one of the things that made him fall in love with him in the first place. Patrick was just too giving, even when he was barely hanging onto life he kept asking if Maria and Pete were alright and how Maria's school play went.

"I-I just don't know what to do 'Trick" He admitted, "What am I going to do without you? It's been two years and Maria deserves so much better than me - She deserves you, last night I changed the subject to her drawings because I-I didn't want to explain..."

Pete felt the worst he had in months then. He had bottled all his worries about being a now widowed parent that it was all gushing out as he talked to a headstone, if he had the choice Pete would've taken Patrick's tumour in a heartbeat so he and his Maria could live a little shred of a happy ever after.

"The press hasn't gotten any better either..." Pete continued on, "They keep asking for interviews with all three of us and one suggested I g-give Maria up 'cause I couldn’t-can't cope."

In reply there was a gust of wind which knocked the shaky breath out of Pete. "How could they expect me to do that? I-I just want what we t-talked about on the top of that bus years ago...A happy life with you, me and our girl."

The sky was getting dark as he continued to ramble, on and on, having a one sided conversation with himself about how much he missed him and wanted him home.

He truly believed Patrick belonged with the angels but that's not where he wanted him to be, he wanted him next to him at night, he wanted him in the kitchen laughing at Pete's failed attempts at cooking, he wanted him holding Maria's hand as they both walked her to school...He wanted him to be alive just alive.

"I never did like the name Wentz" Pete finally said as he glanced at phone and checked the time, he'd have to go pick Maria up from Andy's soon and appear fine, when he was slowly breaking down on the inside.

""I wished I'd changed my name to yours instead,  _Pete Stump_  can you imagine it?"

There was faint noises of car doors opening and closing in the distance as other people went to lay flowers around their loved ones and Pete was grateful none of them even gave him a second glance, even though he was convinced he looked hysterical there, in the cold and talking to stone with a name on it. But perhaps the crying woman on the other side of the yard was feeling the same, as isolated as Pete was but trying to smile for the little boy hanging off her arm.

 _"Why does the rock say mummy and daddy's names on it?"_ The tiny boy asked loudly as Pete lent down to Patrick and kissed the top of the stone softly, feeling that awful taste of dryness and dirt just like he always did when he did that as a way of saying bye.

"I-I've got to go get the little one now." He said sadly, realizing his daughter was probably wondering where he was and knew tonight was going to be one of _those_ _nights_ if she seen the redness round his eyes. "But I'll visit soon yeah?"

Standing up Pete brushed the dirt off his jeans and whispered a "Love you Patrick" Before making a beeline for his car and trying to wipe the tears away, not wanting little Maria to have nightmares about her other daddy leaving her. He wouldn't do that to her, he'd never do that to her.

Closing the door he turned on the heater and sat there for a second with his head in his hands while trying to hold back the sobs climbing up his throat but every time he nearly stopped he remembered the small kid over in the graveyard or Patrick's ghost of a smile while he clutched his hand for dear life.

He just wanted to go back, change what happened and seen what could've been. He just wanted to see Patrick smile that toothy grin and see his eyes light up as Maria drew a picture. Pete wanted to see his family whole again, three pieces to a jigsaw puzzle - ready to take on the world head on, with fedora' s and baseball caps alike.

Shaking Pete reached for his phone and noticed he'd stayed talking to his husband longer than expected, and that Andy had called him trying to see where he was.

 _I miss you Patrick_  Pete thought before deciding he needed to go, and turned on the car driving out of the graveyard and towards the little piece of happiness he had left in the cruel world, a little thing that one day would learn how much she was like her dad and how much Pete loved them both to the point of madness.


End file.
